If You Do These 3 Things, People Will Probably Think That You’re Being Fake

YOU CAN’T STICK A SMILE LIKE THE WAY YOU STICK A BAND-AID ON YOUR FACE.
BY ANETT GRANT

My client was a strong leader with a track record of leading billion-dollar businesses. She was articulate. She spoke with conviction. But she’d been given feedback that she was intimidating. She started to smile more often, but she was still getting feedback that she was intimidating.

Now, part of the reason may be the unfair scrutiny that women face when they exercise power, but it might also be that her audience viewed her smile to be fake. After all, a smile isn’t a band-aid you can stick on your face.

So how do you understand when someone might see your smile as fake?

You smile for too long

A genuine smile is fleeting. When you give a fake smile–chances are, you’ll hold it for many seconds, and even minutes.

Try this experiment: Stand in front of a mirror and smile for 1 minute. Do you feel tight, tense, or even a little tired? Do you find it challenging to smile consciously for even a minute? When you do smile unknowingly, you could go on for minutes, and you don’t even notice (similar to jiggling your legs under pressure). But, while you may not be paying attention, your audience will be. They’ll see your behavior, your smile, and your jiggling leg as an overt expression of discomfort and anxiety–not the honest expression of warmth and openness that you want to portray.

To have a genuine smile, rather than trying hard, try exhaling gently. By learning to let go of your breath, you’ll let go of your energy and allow your genuine smile to shine through.

Your smile is flat

A fake smile is like a door, not a window. Like a door, a phony smile blocks and stops the energy from getting through.

A genuine smile, on the other hand, is like a window. It allows you to see through it. When you smile genuinely, your eyes sparkle, your cheeks lift, and your whole face lights up. The energy flows through you and reaches your audience.

To achieve this authentic expression, connect with positive feelings. Think about something that genuinely makes you happy—a funny memory, someone you love, or a moment of pride. Let that feeling inform your smile rather than forcing your facial muscles into position.

You smile at the wrong time

When you smile during serious moments or while delivering difficult news, people will question your authenticity. A smile should match the context and content of what you’re saying.

I once worked with a CEO who smiled while announcing layoffs. He thought he was trying to stay positive and reassure people, but instead, it made him appear disconnected and insincere. His smile didn’t match the gravity of the situation.

Pay attention to when you’re smiling. Are you smiling because you’re genuinely happy or engaged? Or are you smiling out of nervousness, to fill space, or to appear friendly? A well-timed, genuine smile is powerful. A mistimed or forced smile can undermine your credibility.

The key takeaway? A smile should be an authentic expression of your inner state, not a mask you put on. When your smile comes from a genuine place and matches the moment, people will feel it—and they’ll respond to you differently.